I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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