hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
