i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
