I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
