Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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