I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
