Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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