I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
