I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
