I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
