The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found your dick twin last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
