her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
