Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
