Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
