the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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