I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
