I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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