I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
