That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
