omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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