I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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