You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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