how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
