Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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