I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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