I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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