I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Boobs speak an international language.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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