he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
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