I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
