Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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