And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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