That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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