Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
