Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How's work?
Spinning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
