shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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