He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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