I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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