she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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