yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
