he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
