I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
