I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
