There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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