i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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