I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
