she woke up with a sticky ear
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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