ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
