It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
