I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
