I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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