my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
