sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
