so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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