saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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