wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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