ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
