I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
