And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
