Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
