Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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